I thought that when my son was born, my partner’s family was going to change their mind. It hasn’t been like that. They insist that I convert to Islam, because they will never give their daughter and sister to a Christian. I don’t want to give up my faith. Here, in Senegal, there are mixed marriages that coexist without problems. I don’t understand your obfuscation.
Fatou and I met at Cheikh Anta Diop University in Dakar. We both studied Law. We fell in love instantly. Our friends said we were the perfect couple. In college, a complicity was born between us that others looked at with envy. When we finished our studies, we decided it was time to talk to his family to express our intention to get married. It was a very humiliating occasion for me. That day, for the first time, her father and brothers assured her that they would never allow Fatou to marry a pagan. They said that if I loved her so much, I should convert to the true faith. Until that moment we had never thought that our different faiths could be an obstacle to fully living our love.
We were young and we believed that our love would eventually melt his intransigence. We decided to live together. Our careers began to take off and the future looked hopeful. We have made a name for ourselves as lawyers. We live well. We don’t lack anything and we take care of our families. Fatou’s mother comes to visit from time to time. I shower her with gifts and fulfill all her wishes, as befits a good son-in-law. I try to change her mind and be the one to convince the men in her family. But my mother-in-law remains hard, impenetrable.
We have been living together for ten years and three have passed since the little one was born. We thought that when our first child was born things would be different. That a grandson would change their minds. The child was received with joy. Celebrated as one of the family and pampered by grandparents. But not even his arrival has made them move from their position. They insist that I convert to Islam if I love their daughter so much. Without that requirement they will never allow us to get married.
You ask me why we don’t get married even if we don’t have his family’s approval. Things don’t work that way here. Love is not enough. The wedding is a contract between two families. We need the blessing of both. Men decide, but the mother is the most important. If she does not approve of the marriage, she could curse us and there is nothing that can counteract a mother’s curse.
I have heard rumors that my in-laws are looking for a Muslim husband for my wife. She is silent. I fear that one day he will end up giving in to his father and brothers. And for the first time I feel like I could lose her.
